Say My Name
by crazyanimefreak15
Summary: Raven wakes to find her friends don't see her. Why are they all so depressed?


**I'm back! found this in my unfinished collection and decided to finish it.  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.**

* * *

_Say my name_

_As these colors come alive_

_In your heart and in your mind_

_I cross the boarders of time_

_Leaving today behind to be with you again_

_Say my name_

_-Within Temptation: **Say My Name**  
_

The last thing I remembered before everything went black was Slade's face. I had jumped in when Robin was thrown into a wall and left daze. The rest of the Titans were struggling to defeat the hordes of Slade bots that flooded the streets of our city. They were too far away to help as I struggled to keep up with the man I fought. He didn't even give me time to use my powers as I could only block blow after blow from him, each one causing me to stumble backwards. Finally, my limited hand-to-hand abilities failed and he landed a foot hard into my chest, my body being thrown off my feet. I felt my back hit something solid just as I felt a sharp pain in my chest, just before numbness settled throughout my body. I didn't even think to look down as my eyes only moved to each horror stricken face of my teammates. They seemed to struggle to get passed the bots to get to me, but I didn't understand why. Even as my vision blurred and started to darken at the sides, my gaze only moved back to the large man that I had been struggling to hold off until Robin caught his breath. His black and orange mask was the last thing I saw before my vision blacked out.

When I woke finally, my body felt heavy and my chest hurt, but I still forced my eyes opened. The first thing I noticed was that I was alone in the dark infirmary of the tower. I didn't mind much, the peace was nice, and it was welcomed that I had no pressure to act like I was fine. I could move at my own pace. But, yet, I still wish that someone would have been there. My eyes closed again as I prepared for what I expected to be a painful movement, but found it as a pleasant surprise when the pain never came as I sat up. It was at that moment that I decided to push my luck and swung my legs to the side of the bed before setting them down on the cold floor. I took a deep breath and stood up, finding my legs would hold me with no problems, making me wonder how long I had been out for. I would have expected at least soreness after going a round with Slade. Though, dwelling on the thought, I knew, would prove useless, the only chance to have my questions answered would be to find one of my friends.

With that established, I started out the door, starting my trip through the dimly lit halls. My first thought was to check the main room. There was always usually someone there at all times of the day unless they were out fighting someone else. This last though would make the lack of someone by my side make sense, but I was proven wrong when the large double doors came into view along with the light that filtered from underneath it. The unmistakable sounds of the T.V. also were heard as I came closer. The door opened as easily and uncovered the sight of the darkened main room, lit only by the bright screen of the T.V. that I could see Beastboy watching. His back was to me as he sat alone on the couch in the middle of the room, watching the people live out some plot in a show that I was not familiar with. And, quite frankly, I found myself not really caring enough to find out. Yet, before I could alert him to my presence, my attention was caught by a sound coming from the kitchen area of the room. There I saw Starfire absently cooking something, a sight that I would not have thought twice about, if it weren't for the fact that she was not moving like normal.

Her back was to me as she stood in front of the microwave, with the machine desperately trying to alert her to its accomplished task with a series of beeps, and she barely seemed to notice it. She was just staring blankly at the machine, no smile of joy and eyes brightly lit with child-like delight. And when she finally did seem to notice the alert, she just blinked and absently took out the plate full of what I could make out as possible left over pizza. But I found myself unconcerned with what was on the plate and more what was troubling my teammate this much.

"Friend, I have reheated the pizza. Will you not eat some?" She turned to Beastboy as she asked. Her voice was quiet and timid rather than the boisterous and joy-filled sound that I had known all these years. And when Beastboy failed to respond, she merely sighed and walked over slowly, a plate in her hands. There was no spring in her step, no flying, nothing as she walked over and set the plate down on the coffee table right in front of the unresponsive Beastboy before she walked back over to the microwave.

I finally found my feet again and slowly walked forward, to the middle between them. "Starfire? Beastboy?" I called out after a few steps; my voice was quiet and not quite as even as it usually was. The worry that filled the pit of my stomach and stretched all the way up into my chest wouldn't allow my usual level of control. Neither one moved, acting like they didn't hear anything at all.

I took in another unsteady breath to call out again to cut myself off as Starfire picked up the two new plates of pizzas that she just finished reheating. "I am going to bring these to Robin and Cyborg, would Friend Beastboy join me?" She tried again, clearly trying again to get the green teen to answer, but she failed to get another answer and let out another defeated sigh. She didn't try again as she took both plates in her hand and left the room without even a glance my way. I stood still for a few minutes after she left, my gaze on the doors that closed behind her, wondering why she failed to notice me standing so close.

My attention was drawn back to Beastboy when he suddenly turned to look over his shoulder with eyes that had once been so full of life. Now, lifeless ones that were dulled with some unknown weight scanned the door to make sure that Starfire was, indeed, gone. He suddenly flipped off the TV, casting the room into almost total darkness; the only light coming from the pale moonlight filtering in from the glass wall. He drew his legs against his body, resting his chin on his knees and fixed his empty gaze out the window, just staring off into the distance.

"Beastboy?" I called again, still, with no response from my friend and teammate. I moved closer to him, walking silently around the couch to slowly sit down beside him. "Beastboy, please, it's Raven. Could you just look at me or something?" I asked, starting to get irritated, but to no avail. He didn't even so much as blink. I sighed and stood, deciding to seek out my other teammates in hopes of getting an answer. But, before I went, I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Beastboy, please don't close yourself off." I told him quietly before I headed back towards the doorway and out into the hall.

_Beastboy was pulled from his thoughts when he felt something on his shoulder, a hand. It sent a shiver down his spine, but he ignored it, assuming maybe Starfire had returned without him noticing. He didn't feel like dealing with anyone, he just wanted some peace. He knew that his room would offer the peace and solitude he sought, but it was too small and his despair was too great. He wondered if he would suffocate if he were to stay in there alone too long._

_His thoughts were broken again when the small hand leave his shoulder, as he knew it would eventually when he failed to give notice to it. But it wasn't until he heard the door open did his mind finally take notice of the words that were spoken. His body turned to ice at the recognition of the owner and he spun around as the doors closed. He didn't follow; he knew he didn't need to. Instead his eyes turned back to a spot on the couch that had a book placed on the cushion. It was where she placed it before they had left for that fateful battle, and the thought made him hold onto his knees all the tighter._

"_Raven…"_

I made my way down the dark hallways in search of Starfire once again. I had an idea of where to find the other two boys, if they were not in the main room, it would be either in their rooms, or the training room and garage. And, as I passed by the line of rooms, the elimination of the first became clear at the sight of the dark rooms. I changed my coarse then towards the training room and garage on a different level, thankful to the fact that the training room was just above the garage. But, choosing to walk rather than use my powers, it freed me time to think as I walked alone in the dark halls of my home.

I didn't understand what was with my teammates. The two most cheerful of our group looked to be as hollow as possibly could be. I hoped that it was just from guilt of being defeated by Slade and Robin just chewed them out that lead to the sour mood. But, even as I concluded that, I knew that couldn't be the case, but I didn't know what else to think. Well, I actually refused to think of anything worse than that. I pulled myself from my thoughts as I stepped off the steps and onto the landing of the training floor after I opted to use the stairs rather than the elevator. Something about the still silence that was drowning the tower made the thought of using the elevator seem wrong.

I found I was in luck as I left the stairway to find Starfire just heading into the training room. She moved slowly, her hesitation clear even all the way down the dark hallway. She also only had one plate in hand, so it was clear that she had gone to see Cyborg first. This was painting a clearer picture of how badly the battle must have turned out. It must have been a total failure, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. After I was knocked out, I probably hindered them even more, something that, against Slade, was something that the team could not afford to have.

I followed Starfire in, quietly and was greeted to the sight of Robin sparring obsessively with one of the training dummies that occupied the large room. His body was tense, more tense than usual. Robin was clearly doing more than just training. Raven knew that her leader would often come here and beat the dummy when he was upset. It was clear that this was one of those times.

"Robin, I have brought some of the pizza that was heated once again. Will you please come eat?" Starfire asked in, and I didn't think it was possible, an even quieter voice than she used to talk to Beastboy. Robin clearly must have given a show of rage recently, scaring the poor alien girl. And, when he failed to give a response, I expected her to leave him alone just like she left Beastboy to himself, but found myself surprised when she cleared her throat and tried again.

"Robin, please? You must eat something. Will you not take the break and eat?" She tried again, her voice back with a little more strength in it; she was trying to be more forceful towards our leader as she moved closer to him.

"I'm not hungry, Starfire." He finally responded coldly, enough even to make me want to back off.

"Will you not just take the break, then, with me?"

"No." Even I could see that he was trying hard not to snap, but, his limit was reached. Something that Starfire didn't seem to see, or, more likely the case, was too caring to not push the topic.

"But you-" She tried to start before Robin suddenly turned and knocked the plate out of her hands, sending food sprawling across the floor and the plate coming to a rolling stop at my feet. I bent over and picked it up, finding cracks all across its surface. Had it not been for the padded flooring, I doubted the plate would have remained intact. But, I didn't think this plate could be used again, even still being in one piece. The cracks were too deep and too numerous.

"KNOCK IT OFF, STARFIRE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" He snapped, his rage causing the girl to shrink in fear, but clearly she still held onto some courage that allowed her to keep speaking despite his rage.

"Robin, please, it was not your fault." She tried again, quietly, successfully confirming what I already knew. But this only seemed to further Robin's anger. His voice took on a quieter tone, but it served to voice his rage even more than his yelling had.

"I'm the leader! It's always my fault! If I had just been stronger she'd…" Robin growled, towering over the girl before he suddenly cut himself off and turned away from her. I had to wonder if they were talking about me. I was not conceded enough to think that that was the only option, but, something just told me it was.

"Please, stop this, Robin! I know she would not blame you!" Starfire pleaded with the raging teen. But this seemed to only make him angrier.

"GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW THAT, AND WHY IS THAT!? BECAUSE SHE'S GONE, STARFIRE! RAVEN'S DEAD!" Robin's rage peaked as he turned and his fist came into contact with the mirrored wall. But it wasn't the only thing that shattered as Starfire dropped to her knees, whatever control she had before, gone as she sank into uncontrollable sobs.

Something inside me shattered too as a numbing cold settled in as the realization hit me, but couldn't seem to sink in. I didn't want to believe it. The plate dropped from my hands and this time shattered into thousands of pieces. I heard Starfire gasp as Robin exhale my name, "Raven?" I didn't stay. I just turned and ran.

_ Robin's fist came into contact with the glass, causing cracks to spider web out and, in places, to fall to the ground along with drops of blood. He knew Raven had every right to blame him. If he had been stronger, Slade wouldn't have knocked him out, and Raven wouldn't have had to step in. If she wouldn't have had to step in, she wouldn't have been killed. But, as he listened to Starfire's sobs, his rage subsided, yet he remained where he was, his fist planted firmly in the glass._

_ His vision shot up when he heard something else shatter behind him, and what he saw stopped his breath short. There she was, standing in the door way behind him. Her violet eyes were wide and he knew. And it made his blood run cold. She didn't even know she had died._

_He wasn't the only one to notice as Starfire's vision jumped up to the same distorted apparition in the shards remaining on the wall, and gasped._

_ "Raven?" Robin managed out weakly, but, he only succeeded in causing her to turn and run._

I didn't even know where I was going, as I stumbled through the halls, but I found that caring was the furthest thing from my mind. I couldn't believe I was…I couldn't even bring myself to think the word. Maybe I miss understood him. Maybe it wasn't true. After all, I didn't feel like I was dead, yet, I found myself realizing that I have never died before.

In my panicked hast, I managed to stumble over my own feet and tumble sideways into a dark room. Imagine that, the first time I've actually tripped myself walking and I was dead. I realized in bitter humor, and, for the first time as I lay on that floor, I allowed myself to even think that I was dead. But following that thought was an emptiness that took hold. It was about then in my depressive haze that I vaguely noticed that I had landed in front of the infirmary doors.

I knew what I had to do. Pulling myself to my feet again, I wandered back inside. The infirmary was just as dark as I left it, but I found that in my daze that I didn't care. My feet traced my steps from only a short time ago back to the bed that I had pulled myself out of. Even from the doorway, I had lost hope of denying what Robin had said. Even from the doorway I could see the form of a female body covered by a white sheet; my body. Blood stained the area of my heart and I finally was able to figure out the reason for the pain before I blacked out.

My mind returned to the present in time to find myself standing by the bed, my hand raised slightly for a purpose I didn't have to wonder about. I was about to finish the action when I heard slow footsteps coming down the hall.

I hid. I don't know why, it was stupid, I know they can't see me, but I did. Ran and crouched behind one of the large machines in the corner and waited. Robin came in soon after, pausing in the doorway.

"Raven? Are you here?" He called out quietly. I don't know if he really expected me to respond, but he paused and waited. A minute went by and I think he grew tired of waiting. He walked further into the room, not even bothering to turn on the light. I glanced from my spot behind the machine to watch him walk up to my still body on the bed. With the same amount of hesitation as I had, he pulled back the sheet that covered my face.

"I'm sorry, Raven. I'm so sorry." He choked out, his voice failing him when he tried to say something else. After a few moments he finally found it again. "You jumped in because I wasn't strong enough. It should be me laying here. After he kicked you, you fell onto some debris." He paused to take a breath to steady his voice. As much as I didn't want to hear about this, I found myself unable to move. "There was a rebar sticking out and you landed right on it. We couldn't even get to you before….I'm sorry, Raven." He finished, and his strength seemed to run out. He broke down, and I just sat there listening to his sobs, unable to move.

I don't know how long I sat there, crouched behind the machine, Starfire had come and taken Robin away and that just left me alone now in the same room as my body. There was really only one thing left to do, I got up and headed to the garage, to the only friend that I haven't seen yet.

I was glad to see Cyborg there. He was fixing the T-car, as he always did when he had free time. I knew this was how Cyborg dealt with things, he kept his hands busy. I found a seat on a box near where he worked and watched him for a bit before I spoke. Cyborg just had that effect on people. You knew you could always talk to him when you have problems.

"You remember when I first started helping you fix that car?" I started, my voice shaky, but, since he couldn't hear me anyways, I didn't bother to fix it. He continued on with his work. "I sucked and you wouldn't let me do more than hand you tools. I never got much better. I'll miss those times. I'll miss our picnics to the park. I'll miss movie nights. I'll miss fighting crime. I'll miss all those stupid games you and Beastboy force me to referee. I'll miss all of you." I don't know when I started to cry, but I was, and it made my voice catch in the back of my throat. "I don't want to be dead. I want to live!" I sobbed out pathetically. "But….at least you all survived. At least something good happened."

"I'm sorry. We should have protected you; it was our job to protect you." Cyborg suddenly said as his hands stopped working.

"Can…..can you hear me?" I asked, shocked by his response. He nodded.

"My enhanced ears can pick up sounds inaudible to the human ear." He explained.

"Why didn't you say something before?" My voice evened out. It wasn't my usual monotone, but at least it wasn't shaking.

"Because I knew you needed to get that off your chest." He said with a sad smile but he still didn't look at me, and I knew without saying anything that he still couldn't see me.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at any of you. Please tell them that, too."

"I will." Cyborg nodded.

"And I better not see any of you soon. You all better live long healthy lives or there'll be hell to pay!" I said with a grin, causing the small sad smile to change to sad chuckle.

"I'll be sure to pass that along. But you don't have to leave yet. You could stay here and help me out one more time."

Now I smiled sadly. "Sure, Cyborg, I'll stay for a little longer."


End file.
